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About Symon

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About Symon
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling sheer rock-faces and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for English migrants.

Occasionally, when not clubbing baby seals, I tread water for days in a row.

I have wooed women with my sensuous and God-like trombone playing, piloted bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and cooked Thirty-Minute scones in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Burkina Faso.

I was scouted by the Australian Wallabys and I am the subject of numerous documentaries.

When bored, Iíve built large suspension bridges in my backyard. I enjoy urban hang gliding.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless assassin.

I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes to Perisher.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me and funnel web spiders flee before me.

I can hurl empty beer cans at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair, with my eyes open. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small brothel. We all got out alive. I was physically exhausted. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, break tackles and my bills are all paid. I'm a joker, I'm a reformed smoker, I'm a midnight toker, I get my loving on the run. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a sack of seaweed and a toaster oven.

I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bull fights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, spelling bees at the Kremlin and jelly wrestling bouts in Serbia.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed breast enlargement operations and I have spoken with Elvis. I know where Osama is.
Brisbane, QLD
Electrical Superintendent
Four Wheel Drive:
2005 Landcruiser HDJ79R
Tyres Fitted:
Mickey Thompson 4-Rib ATZ's


Toyota Landcruiser HDJ79R - Soft Top Camper with a zillion home grown mods - electricians online community



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